Helping Little Hearts Let Go: A Parent’s Guide to Separation Anxiety

It’s the morning school drop-off, and you can feel your child’s grip tighten on your hand. Their eyes well up, and your heart does too. Whether it’s the first day of preschool or a new after-school activity, separation anxiety can make goodbyes tough—for both you and your child.

The good news? Separation anxiety is a normal part of childhood, and with gentle support, your child can learn to feel safe, confident, and secure, even when you’re not right by their side.

What is Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety is a fear or distress that happens when a child is away from their parent or caregiver. It can show up in many ways—crying, clinging, worrying, or even tummy aches before separation.

For most children, separation anxiety is a developmental stage. For others, it may be triggered by big life changes or uncertainty. While it can be challenging in the moment, it’s often a sign of a strong, loving bond between you and your child.

Why Does It Happen at Different Ages?

• Infants & Toddlers (6 months–3 years): Around 6–8 months, babies develop object permanence, meaning they realize you exist even when you’re out of sight. This new awareness makes them notice your absence more—and miss you more, too.

• Preschool & Early Elementary: As children explore more of the world, they sometimes feel nervous about doing things without you, especially in unfamiliar settings.

• Older Children: Separation anxiety can resurface due to changes like moving, a new school year, family stress, or health concerns.

Practical Ways to Help Your Child Feel Secure

1. Create Predictable Goodbye Routines

A quick hug, a cheerful “I’ll see you after snack time!” and then a confident exit can help your child feel reassured. Consistent rituals tell your child, this is how goodbyes go, and you always come back.

2. Start with Small, Positive Separations

If long goodbyes feel overwhelming, practice short ones first, like stepping out of the room for a few minutes, leaving them with a trusted friend for a short playdate, or having them stay at a relative’s house for an hour. Gradually increase the time you and your child spend apart as they begin to feel more and more comfortable.

3. Encourage Independence in Little Ways

Let your child choose their clothes, pour their own cereal, or pack their backpack. Small responsibilities build confidence and help them trust their own abilities.

4. Offer Comfort Items or Connection Tools

A favorite stuffed animal, a family photo tucked in their backpack, or a little “hug note” from you can help bridge the gap when you’re not together.

5. Stay Calm and Confident

Children often take emotional cues from you. If you linger or seem anxious, they may worry more. Keep goodbyes short, warm, and optimistic—even if your heart is aching a little.

“When I work with parents, we often talk about modeling - the idea that children learn how to respond to the world by watching us, whether we realize it or not. So in moments of separation anxiety your calm becomes their calm. When you model confidence during goodbyes—even when it’s hard—you’re teaching your child that they can handle moments of uncertainty with courage and trust. Your steady presence becomes their inner voice.” - Shannon Jones

When to Seek Additional Support

If your child’s separation anxiety is intense, lasts for weeks, or starts to interfere with school, friendships, or daily life, it might be time to seek guidance from a pediatrician, counselor, or therapist. Professional support can give both you and your child helpful tools to navigate this stage.

A Word of Encouragement

Separation anxiety doesn’t mean your child isn’t strong—it means they value their connection with you. With patience, reassurance, and practice, your child will learn that they are safe and capable, even when you’re not in the same room.

So, the next time a goodbye feels hard, remember: each small step toward independence is a big leap toward your child’s confidence.